England x Insane!Reader ~ Ch. 1

~Love is Just an Illusion~

Chapter I



~7 years old~



“Hey, who are you playing with?” The small girl asked, her curled (h/c) pigtails floating all around her face in the breeze.

Arthur peeked his head up to gaze at her in curiosity. “Hm? Oh, no one really...”

“Oh, so like an imaginary friend?” She smiled sweetly, her glimmering eyes wide with innocent, childlike curiosity.

“Kind of...” Arthur sighed, turning his eyes away from her gaze. “I'm the only one who can see them.”

“What's their name?” her smile didn't waver, but only grew wider.

The blonde-haired boy eyed her suspiciously, like she was some form of alien. “...Flying Mint Bunny,” he quietly replied. Funny, most people would think he's strange for having such “imaginary friends.” This girl was certainly the first to ask for their names.

“Oh, that's so cute!” She clapped her hands together and bounced up and down in excitement. “And what's your name?”

Arthur contemplated whether or not he should tell her. She might turn out just like all the other kids who teased him constantly for his peculiar eyebrows and imagined playmates. But, this girl seemed different. It couldn't hurt, right?

“...Arthur.” he finally replied, after a short awkward silence. “Arthur Kirkland.”



~Present Day~



Arthur slowly poked his head inside the familiar, heavy steel door that lead to Room 713 of King George's Mental Hospital, immediately noting the distinct odor of sedatives and rubbing alcohol filling the room.

He was disappointed, she must have had another bad episode earlier and had to be sedated. With a deep sigh, he entered the room and gently shut the door behind him until he heard the faint click of the door's automatic locking mechanism.

The main object of his concern appeared to be fast asleep on the bed, but occasionally flinched or mumbled in her sleep, indicating that she was having a nightmare. She always did this, she never seemed to sleep peacefully. Even in her sleep, the hallucinations would torment her. It was agony for the girl, but it was even more painful to watch. He hated seeing her like this.

His hands fiddled anxiously with the emergency buzzer in his hand before shoving it back into his pocket. He knew he wouldn't be needing it. Every time he came to visit, they would provide him with a buzzer just in case something were to happen and she would snap. The button would set off an alarm in the lobby and assistance would be sent accordingly. He utterly hated that button and if not for the fact of his own goodwill, he would have destroyed it a long time ago.

Arthur walked over to where she lay and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. “Wake up, love. It's okay. I'm here.” He whispered, gently placing a hand on her cheek and softly caressing her face.

The frail girl awoke with a start, gasping and panting for air like a fish out of water.

“It's alright, it was just a nightmare.” He comforted as he gently patted the girl's fragile, bony back.

“You don't understand.” She panted, her clouded (e/c) eyes wide with fear. “I can never wake up from this dream. I always see them. It's like a nightmare you have when you're awake.”

“I know.” He sighed pitifully and pulled her into a hug. “I know.”

______ was certainly gifted with a very strong and vivid imagination, but her greatest quality had also been her downfall when the psychosis began to set in.

She'd been diagnosed with SSDNOS, or Schizophrenia Spectrum Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. This type of diagnosis was only a formality, nothing but a smudge of ink on her paperwork. It was the type of diagnosis they would give when they didn't really know for sure what was wrong with someone. None of the psychiatrists or psychologists could ever figure out what was wrong with her. Hers was a special case, and that was a fact that Arthur knew all too well.

Arthur hated it, he truly hated it. Some days she would act just like a normal person; and on other days when the hallucinations became particularly malicious and frightening, she would be crying in his lap and begging him not to leave her alone. He absolutely hated every bit of it.

“Arthur.” She murmured into his shoulder as she snuggled close to him. “You're always so warm.”

Arthur wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so he just hugged her closer in reply. Her skin always did feel rather cold, and the frigid temperature of the room didn't help matters at all.

For a moment, they just sat there like that, enjoying each other's warmth. After a while, the girl's soft voice spoke, “Thanks for visiting me today. And every day.” She said with a bright smile, her spirits obviously lifted.

She gingerly lifted an almost skeletal hand to caress his face, her bones paper-thin and fragile as porcelain. “It always makes me so happy to see you.” Her smile, this time, was not misleading. It was a warm, genuine smile.

Arthur's heart dropped at her words.

'If only you knew the truth, ______.'

He pulled away from her slightly and sat up on the edge of the stiff bed to examine her features, mentally cursing to himself when he saw how frail she had become. Her lifeless (e/c) eyes had dark purple circles under them and her stringy (h/c) hair had grown out long and choppy. Her skin lacked its usual color and was becoming a sickly pale. She looked so fragile, like she could break at any moment.

She looked like death.

It pained him, just to watch her slowly wasting away like this.

More importantly, he couldn't just stand by and watch her slowly starve to death in this prison of a hospital.

He honestly didn't know what he would do if something were to happen to her. He wouldn't be able to live with himself. He could barely live with himself as it is now.

He'd probably go insane too.

Arthur carefully took her wrist into his hand and brushed his thumb over the protruding bones in her wrist. “Love, are you still eating?”

She scrunched up her nose in disgust. “I've already told you, the food here sucks.” she said, poking out her tongue in protest.

“Please, eat for me.” He pleaded, now holding her hand firmly in his own. “I'm worried about you.”

The guilt of having to hide the truth from her was eating him alive, but he knew he absolutely could not tell her. Not yet, not in her condition.

Lies hurt, and he knew that the longer he withheld the truth, the worse it would become. Lies may hurt, but the truth can be even more painful.

And what was even worse, was having to carry the burden of knowing that she might die before he even had a chance to tell her.

It killed him inside.

'I'm sorry I can't be completely honest with you, ______.'

“But, Arthur...” She protested, curling her bottom lip into a pout. “I don't like the food they try to serve me... It tastes like old cardboard.”

“Would it help if I brought you food?” Arthur offered. “I could ask some friends of mine to help out, considering the fact that most people don't seem to enjoy my cooking for some reason...”

“No, it's fine” She sighed, closing her eyes in defeat. “I guess the food isn't all that bad as long as it's warm... And even though I don't want to, I'll try and eat it, just for you.”

“But,” she interjected before he could respond. “If your friends don't mind, I would love to try some of their food.” she added with a tiny smile.

“Good.” Arthur sighed in relief. “I don't want you to starve. I want you to be around for a long, long time. Is there anything in particular that you would like to eat?”

______ tilted her head sideways for a moment and seemed to ponder the idea for a while before responding with, “Butter cookies. I've always wanted to try them.”

“Okay, I'll try to bring some with me next time.” He said, putting on a half-hearted smile. “Anything else?”

“Nope!” She replied happily. “I just really want to try the cookies. I haven't had sweets in so long...”

'I'm sorry there isn't anything more I can do to help you.'

“Do you remember what sweets taste like?” Arthur asked curiously. ______ had lost most of her memory after the psychosis began to settle in. She'd been confined in this cell for nearly five years now, and Arthur had been diligently visiting her every day since. He had only missed a day twice, once was due to a scheduling conflict with his boss (He'd never forgive his boss for that), and the other was when he was violently ill with the flu. His daily visits with ______ were special to him and he wouldn't miss it for the world.

'I'm sorry for everything.'

“I don't really remember...” she confessed. “They never give me sweets here... They say it's 'bad for my health' or something. Honestly, keeping me in a box and feeding me the equivalent of freeze-dried doggy kibble is bad for my health too, but they don't seem to have a problem with </i>that.”

Arthur nearly choked. How was even supposed to respond to that? “I'm sure they just want to make sure you stay healthy.”

It was true, though. The diet plans at King George's were highly restricted and mostly consisted of protein, vitamins, and fiber. Caffeine and sugar were strictly prohibited.

“Maybe.” She sighed, defeated. “I know this is supposed to help me recover, but honestly, being in here is only making it worse.”

“I can see why.” Arthur agreed. “Have they shown up again recently?”

The girl shifted backwards a little and leaned her back into the pillows as she stared absentmindedly out the window. “Yeah. This morning. It was bad, they were closing in on me, and I couldn't get rid of them by willing them away like you told me to, it felt like I couldn't breathe, and I was so scared, and--” Tears had unknowingly sprung to her eyes, of which Arthur immediately took notice and pulled her into a soft hug.

“No, you don't have to say anymore, I understand.” He rubbed her back soothingly as he whispered calming words to her. “I'm sorry that had to happen to you. It's okay. I'm here now.”

'I'm sorry for everything, ______.'

“N-no... it's alright,” she mumbled, her voice shaky. “I-I'm used to it by now.”

“That doesn't make it okay.” Arthur hissed through his teeth.

“As long as I have you, I'll be just fine,” She said with a soft, genuine smile. A smile that could melt the hearts of any and all who laid eyes upon it.

“Good, because I don't plan on leaving you any time soon.” He replied firmly.

“Hey... Arthur?” She asked shyly, her dull (e/c) eyes meeting with his own emerald ones. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Hm? Oh, I've told you before, I would still visit you every day even if you hated me. There's absolutely nothing in this world that could stop me.”

She smiled softly, a bittersweet, melancholy smile, and sighed, “Thank you for always being there for me.” She looked up to lock eyes with him and gave a soft chuckle. “Whatever possessed you to visit a poor, lonely soul like mine, I'll never know; but I'm glad you did. You're all I have, Arthur. I love you.”

Arthur knew very well that ______ did not have any sort of romantic feelings for him. He knew that she only saw him as a close family member, a brother, or a dear friend. Still, whenever he heard those words fall from her lips, he couldn't help but feel his heart break.

'I'm sorry I'm not who you think I am.'

Arthur knew that his hour with ______ was almost up. By now, he didn't have to check the clock to know when it was almost time, he just knew. Pretty soon, the nurse would come in and he and ______ would have to part ways once again. He would have to choose his words carefully from here on.

“I love you too, ______. Always remember that, okay?” He whispered as he squeezed her hand gently.

As expected, almost as if on cue, a young nurse dressed in colorful scrubs entered the room and told him that his hour was over. With a deep sigh, he remorsefully stood up from his seat and walked over to the nurse, quickly thanking her before turning around to see ______ smiling at him with that same melancholy, half-hearted smile. The smile that broke his heart every time.

Leaving her was never easy, because he knew that as soon as he left, the hallucinations would begin to take over again. He knew that she hid a lot of her pain behind that smile. It was a mask that she used to shield everyone from the truth. She sheltered everyone, even him, from the grim reality of her experiences most of the time. He knew better than anyone.

Plus, there was the issue of all the mysterious deaths that have been occurring at the hospital as of late. They had all been officially ruled as suicides – all overdoses on sleeping medicine – but Arthur couldn't help but have a shadow of a doubt in his mind that there might be something more sinister going on at the facility. It honestly scared him, for her safety. He promised himself that he would get to the bottom of it before anyone else got hurt.

“I'll see you tomorrow, love. Stay safe, okay?” He said to her with a small wave and an apologetic nod.

'I'm so sorry, ______.'

“I'm looking forward to it.” She returned with a slight nod, and that same heart-wrenching smile.

'I'm so, so sorry.'